“Don’t judge me; you don’t know my story…” I don’t know if I am the only one who has been getting a lot of this lately or you could bear me witness that this line has been trending especially amongst young people when they act up and are getting their share of the rod for the same. Most of us, young people don’t like taking responsibility for our actions or inactions and when prompted in regards to the same, we are quick to put up our defences. We start pulling up issues from the past and blaming our backgrounds and the devil even where he is not involved.
So the other day, I found myself in a company of young lads and we had been deliberating over our social lives. We then thought it prudent to visit a few of the elderly couples we know to just drink from their well of wisdom. The team then proceeded to give their suggestions and we settled on one. Apparently one of us became offended that her suggestion was not given priority. With a lush of harsh words, she stormed out of the group and proceeded to leave even the social media groups we shared. Of course being the good people we are, we sent a small delegation to find out what was the problem and this was her response, “Oh! You see I have been rejected all my life, so when you did that, I thought you were also rejecting me…”
For a wound to heal faster, don’t touch it. It is true that some things we go through prick our old wounds and make us relive those dreaded moments that we dreaded most. But, the higher chances are that the reasons, these wounds of ours will never heal is because we keep touching and scratching them either consciously or unconsciously. And a person provoking us is just adding salt to an old wound we had already opened up.
I am not trying to down play the fact that sometimes people will deliberately point out at your past to “put you in your right place” but come on, we all have stories and issues, or don’t you? But we can’t keep on carrying that baggage around and expect the whole world to stop just because you went through or are still going through something. I mean if each of us was to react to everything based on “my story”, some of us would jump outside windows each time their story is touched, some given guns would shoot an average of 3 people per day for reminding them of their backgrounds either knowingly or unknowingly.
I agree that the socialization we go through coupled with our own life experiences shape our perception but we have to come to a place where we live beyond our self-inadequacies. We have to look beyond our intimidating experiences, self-pity, self-defence, and self-esteem issues. When we focus on these down-sides then we are seeking to do a self-promotion by appealing to people’s sympathy. This works at times but the opposite is more effective, where we cultivate a positive self-image, work on our own confidence and developing a credible personality.
This can be achieved by dealing completely with our own issues and stories. Being patient enough to go through the whole healing process, courageous enough to reach out for help, and kind enough not to drag others into our pits. Then we can awaken a new life of wholeness where we don’t define who we are based on what we have done or what has been to us either in the past, present or future. And then knowing who we are, have more enriched social interactions and “our stories” become tag lines for inspiration and not excuses for our misconduct.